Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Soft Targets

The Bank Holiday – why should the banks have a holiday when people in essential services (nurses, police, fire) don’t get any special days?

What ever it is that banks have done for us they have been well rewarded for doing it. Extremely well rewarded. The question you should ask yourself during this shorter week is something like this: "Is it obscene that banks make huge profits?"

Apparently the Bank Holiday is a British tradition dating from the 1870’s but any visitor to these shores would assume that it is a day to celebrate half-price sofas and kitchen units. And are these items a rip-off the rest of the year?

Although I might appear angry, I am not. Frustrated yes, but angry no. Even though I watched Celebrity X Factor I am still below boiling point.

But that programme was like watching a slow motion car crash on the B road of life.

Never has so little been provided for an evening’s entertainment. Even when one of the judges had a go at two of the contestants (you can read the full details here) it still clung to life with the merest thread of hope.

These celebrities were rubbish before they opened their mouths. The 'singing' was dire, crass and offensive – and you won’t see that quote on the back of the DVD case!

It was pure guff from beginning to end. And that’s true – I watched it to the end – but I was transfixed, surely this couldn’t get any worse? It did. Like a leaf falling from a tree the quality declined until it hit the ground.

The only saving grace was the fact that some 'celebrities' who you thought were rubbish in their normal role slightly improved when attempting a tune.

People might say, "Calm down Xan, this is only a laugh and these well meaning celebrities are doing it for charity." Well I’m not laughing and I am not giving. It was appalling.

I am more impressed by my friend Emma who is taking part in Cancer Research’s Race for Life

Whereas Celebrity X Factor is like looking at the bottom of an empty bottle through the bottom of another empty bottle. The distortion makes you think there could be something in it.

Friday, May 26, 2006

New Music Collection - Videophone


We start with some dance music from Wonderland Avenue and then leap into some excellent pop from the John James Newmand Band.

In my humble opinion there isn't enough poetry around so we recorded Greg Buddery reading "Londoner" in a street. We then slip quietly but darkly into a re-mix of Itchy Tits' Videophone.

whistle Jacket and Bebek were our international artists - the first is from South Africa and the second the States.

8 Fold provide an lovely tribute to Countdown host Richard Whitely and then we finish the show with "Name on the Cup" the England World Cup song by the Trophy Boyz.

Play the podcast now!

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The show is 30 minutes long. If you have iTunes installed you can automatically launch it here: Direct Link to iTunes

otherwise download the show here: New Music Collection mp3

Widescreen World Cup Smile

People close to me, let’s call them 'neighbours who are not next door', have bought a new wide screen television; presumably in time for the world cup.

I can understand why. Big screen excitement improves your viewing pleasure and there is nothing better than a big screen.

I am sure the silky skills of Brazil, the sexy players of Italy, solid defence of Germany, big smiles of Trinidad & Tobago and David Beckham’s good looks will be enhanced by having a screen that is 42 inches wide.

But with all this heightened levels of excitement what will happen if your team looses? Will the disappointment be proportional?

Fear not. I know these people are English and this World Cup they will not be upset. In fact they are going to watch Beckham lift the cup in letterbox format.

Laws that Parliament Should Pass: No’s. 1 & 2

While passing from one though to another I remembered the Law of Sod, or, as we call it in England, Sod’s Law.

In my mind it means: "If something bad is going to happen it will!"

So, if you are late for work and running for a bus you are bound to fall over or loose a shoe. It’s Sod’s Law.

But, I thought, what does the internet have to say about it? First stop wikipedia and it doesn’t disappoint...
Sod’s Law is similar to, but broader than, Murphy's law. It includes the idea that "anything that can go wrong, will", for example toast will always land butter side down, as well as other components.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sod%27s_law

Trust me to forget about Murphy’s Law...
"…a popular adage in Western culture, which broadly states that things will go wrong in any given situation in which error is possible. "If there's more than one way to do a job, and one of those ways will result in disaster, then somebody will do it that way.""
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murphy%27s_law

Understanding these Laws could go some way to understanding people from the British Isles. If you are still confused then this cartoon might help:

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/s/sods_law.asp

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Sending Out Some World Cup Love

There is only one England song for me during this World Cup and that’s "Name on the Cup" by the Trophy Boyz.

They had a Top 40 hit in 2005 with Du The Dudek - a great song about the goalkeeping antics of Liverpool’s European Championship hero.

The same song-writing team also made a recording about England’s Ashes victory against Australia. It was called "Ashes Back" but they could only get it released in South Africa because record companies in the UK didn’t think it would sell!

All of these songs have featured podcasts of mine and the latest mercilessly plugs their new, and I believe, classic tribute to English football.

The lyrics are excellent:
We qualified without Wembley
And forget the Denmark friendly
And Northern Ireland was just a bluff

When we’re on paper
We'll take them one and all
With the right formation
The nations ready for more

And how about this…
With Owen and Rooney
Who needs a back four
We'll bend it like Beckham
And lift it like Bobby Moore

The lyics are written by Adrian Zag, describe all that is good about being an English supporter and sung over a stonkingly upbeat groove.

Be warned English fans, it is a dangerous song this, because the more you listen to it the more you think Rooney is going to play and even if he doesn’t that England are still going to win the cup.

So, to help spread the word about “Name on the Cup” and simultaneously add a bit of love and humour to the weeks of soccer ahead, I’ve made a "World Cup Pass".

If you want to send a copy to someone please feel free to do so. Click on the image below for a bigger version.



At present I think this postcard is an original idea but if you have seen others please bring me down gently.

When football is concerned love doesn’t last forever and if I had a gauntlet I would throw it down at the feet of the Daily Telegraph’s podcast editor Guy Ruddle.

I sent a speculative e-mail asking if he wanted a shorter version of my Trophy Boyz podcast and he replied, quite legitimately, that they had already sorted out their World Cup songs and features. Always good to be prepared well in advance!

So I’m looking forward to hearing the DT’s selection of tunes but will any of them match the Trophy Boyz lyrical brilliance?

You can buy it online, from KarmaDownload for 89p

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

The Hard Cheese Scenario

For a short time I worked in a kitchen. Nothing too fancy, I was mainly chopping vegetables. But I picked up some great tips from the chef.

Once, when I was chopping up the end of an onion, my fingers were perilously close to the knife. The chef came over and picked up my small piece of vegetable and told me: "This bit of onion costs under 10p. Your finger is much more valuable."

I took his advice and stuck to it. Even though I hate wasting food and prefer to recycle almost everything, sometimes you have to think to the future rather than the present.

Unfortunately yesterday, while trying to grate a rather hard and small piece of parmesan cheese, my grip was lost and my finger scrapped along the efficient metal teeth of this fine kitchen implement.

As the chef’s wise words came back to haunt me it made also me wonder: "What current political situation mirrors the hard cheese scenario?"

Friday, May 19, 2006

Podcaster Turns Guest

This Friday evening I was broadcasting live around the planet on the BBC’s World Service! The programme was World Have Your Say and the subject was Eurovision.

I actually have a little history with this show as they interviewed me for the pilot in late 2005. They had wanted someone to talk about the internet and how it helped bands like Arctic Monkeys rise to prominence.

They gave me a good five minute grilling and I was able to say what I liked but, as it was a pilot, it was never to be broadcast.

So it was great to be invited back for a proper live show. And it is weird waiting for the telephone call, knowing that in a few moments your voice will be heard around the world, and all you are doing is sitting in your front room.

The instigator of this feature was Kevin Anderson who had decided that in celebration of the weekend’s forthcoming Eurovision competition, World Have Your Say would have it’s very own Your-o-Vision competition. People from around the world would nominate a new piece of music and the expert would decide which the winner was.

My role was to nominate Itchy Tits, local all-girl punk group who I had featured recently, and a band which Kevin had also taken a shinning to.

The only problem was that the BBC felt 'Tits' was not a word the world wanted to hear on a Friday evening in England and almost 11AM in America. So we decided to call them Itchy. The Itchies might have been better.

Time ticked by and I listened to the show to get a flavour on the day’s content. By 19:50 (ten minutes to the end of the show) they still hadn’t started the competition or even contacted me. I thought, "They are leaving this a bit late". In fact the feature didn’t start until 19:53 and they had still four songs to feature and they still hadn’t even called. I figured I wasn’t going to be on.

Then the phone rang, I was connected and asked to introduce the band and explain why I felt they should be on. It went by in a flash.

Moments later it was all over and I think Itchy Tits won. As Kevin liked the song the ‘official’ judge of the show, Mark Savage, was out voted 1 to 2.

Well that’s how it seemed at the time, it was all a blur and I’ll have a listen when the show is made available.

But it was great fun being the guest for once and I still have, using the Warhol method of calculation, 14 minutes and 45 seconds of fame left to use up.

Monday, May 15, 2006

New Music Collection

The New Music Collection is regular podcast highlighting new music, sounds and people. If you know any artists who would be ideal for the podcast then please send me their details or ask then to contact me through the page I have set up at MySpace

The latest New Music Collections are:


The Long Slow Train to Guildford
36 minutes from Guildford
Midlands
Videophone

HOW TO DOWNLOAD THE NEW MUSIC COLLECTION

If you have iTunes installed you can automatically launch it here: Direct Link to iTunes

Otherwise to download the show to your computer, right click on the link below and select 'Save As' or 'Save Link As' New Music Collection mp3

Monday, May 08, 2006

There is Gold in Them Clippings

I call them clippings, others call them press cuttings and companies like McCallum Media Monitor offer a service where relevant newspaper cuttings can be delivered to your door.

And there is nothing better than finding an old pile of clippings of stories which you found interesting about a year ago.

The trouble is I have started carrying them around with me. If the contents of a woman’s purse unlocks the mysteries of her personality then what does the content of a blogger’s rucksack reveal?

Should look into my bag you might well deduce from the content of the clippings that the newspaper world is in crisis and raw fish has something to do with it – you’ll find a small bottle of soy sauce from a take-away sushi tray.

But luckily for me my newspaper clipping habits could transform me into a rich(ish) man, having just found out that one page of a newspaper now cost £1.

I discovered this when I was trying to be 'Web 2.0 Clever' and start collating my collection of newspaper clippings online.

My idea was to copy the quotes that I wanted, and links to the articles, into an online document saved at RallyPoint

No problem with my Media Guardian collection, although articles are protected all I have to do is sign up for free and I can read the article.

But when I want to copy quotes from Stephen Glover’s article "Are the days of the newspaper numbered? I don’t think so."

I am invited to either join the Independent Portfolio or buy the article for £1. "One pound!?", I hear you exclaim. Yes indeed, my clipping is worth one pound. Thirty pence more than a whole copy of the Independent.

It is very tempting to offer you a photocopy for 50p.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Archbishop Reveals Hoodie Solution

"Don't judge a young person by their hoodie!" That was a recent declaration from Dr John Sentamu, the Archbishop of York. [BBC News: Archbishop woos hoodie generation]

Not only was he preaching the good message but he was also wearing the much derided fashion item which, according to almost all media sources, is the scourge of all non-hoodie wearers.

In many towns the hoodie is feared, it is loathed and you can't entre some shopping centres if you are wearing one.

But if you are a young person who feels that the world is against you and you need somewhere to turn it off when you're outside, then a hoodie is ideal. Or, as many people assume, a hood is quite handy when you need to avoid detection from CCTV cameras.

Of course the hood is part of British folk lore. One of our national heroes is Robin Hood who, because of his honest thieving habits, presumably had to wear a hood.

Don't forget that monks wear them, academic gowns have hoods attached and the Grim Reaper wouldn't be seen dead without one.

So congratulations to the Archbishop for encouraging tolerance and understanding but if he really wanted to make a difference he should be telling the older generations to copy his hood wearing style. Because if anything is going to stop a trend amongst the young it's the sight of older people following suit.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The Telegraph Sweetens The Deal

You shouldn’t accept sweets from strangers but last weekend a lady from the Telegraph was quite persuasive.

Maybe it was the personal touch that persuaded me but, having just written that newspapers should stop giving away free DVD’s if they want to save themselves, I felt compelled to fall for the bribe.

The costs of DVD give-aways are described by media commentator Roy Greenslade in this BBC NEWS article: "How can papers afford to give away DVDs?"

"Knock-out 10,000 DVDs and you're looking at maybe 34p each; 100,000 at 25p each, half a million at 23p each. So when you get into the millions, which are what the tabloids sell, it's even less."


Having paid for their discs the papers have to add on top of that the licensing of the film which can vary from £50,000 to 250,000 and to entice their new readers they’ll need a TV advertising campaign – which also costs an arm and a leg.

The day after publication the editor is left hoping that new readers are persuaded by the print content of your newspaper to stick with you forever.

So a bar of chocolate must cost either a similar or lower amount and has to be better bang for bucks than a film we have all seen before.

Maybe the Telegraph has listened to Kim Fletcher’s new approach to the reader/customer relationship in his Guardian article: "If newspapers were more like supermarkets" ... (free registration required)

"If Tesco were running newspapers, it would be finding out exactly what its readers were up to, where they bought their paper, how often, what they liked and didn't like and what might make them buy it more."

Although I am not a fan of supermarket style and practices I can see his point. There is a natural tendency to accept your loyal shoppers for what they are and concentrate your resources on the new ones: never expecting the regulars to leave.

So here I am, doing a Sunday morning shop in an out of town shopping centre (sorry Gaia) and I am being asked if I want a free bar of Lindt Extra Fine Dark chocolate.

I still bought my regular paper but as I love dark chocolate and was interested in what the paper had to offer: soft or hard centre? Would the content compliment the free offer? Any chocolate stories inside? Would I be able to win a lifetimes supply of this bar? I bought the Sunday Telegraph

So a bit of valuable market research had been gained: man buys paper when offered free chocolate.

More interesting information was being collected across town where a relative of mine was also being offered this sweet incentive. Her response was to decline the offer.

At this point she was asked why she didn’t want it. Her reasons for not buying the Sunday Telegraph were that Saturday’s is big enough and lasted the whole weekend.

So no need for a Sunday paper but this exercise is personal giveaway proves its worth because you can gather valuable market data. In the case the telegraph’s Sunday sales will be improved by a smaller Saturday paper. But what can Sunday’s editor do about that?

This chocolate experience goes hand in hand with conversations I’ve had with Jenny, my partner, about alternatives to DVD giveaways, especially if your prospective new reader is a middle income woman.

We’ve come up with some obvious ones: from free samples of tights and perfume to airline style wash bags filled with luxury samples. One exclusive idea was to have the whole paper covered in a pleasant scent.

But whatever you give away, the personal touch – someone actually handing you the gift - is going to be the most valuable because you can target the customer in the flesh, whilst gaining strategic information from their reaction.