Saturday, June 03, 2006

How To Save Celebrity X-Factor

It is only when you are truly exasperated with something does it become pants.

This Celebrity singing competition, in which we discover if the said 'celebrities' have the X-factor, is pants for the very simple reason – it wouldn’t work on the radio.

If the audience only heard their voices people would switch off immediately. Most of the positive comments the X-Factor judges make about our 'celebrity entertainers' concern their looks not their vocal skills.

That's why Walt Disney, when auditioning actors for the voice of Snow White, asked them to sit behind a screen – he didn’t want to be distracted by their appearance.

So here is how to make the show interesting.

When they do the voting there should be one extra number for people to call. It is for those watching who think the show is pants. i.e we think “None of the above” should get our vote.

If that spare number gets the most calls a new celebrity should be added to the roster, the cast is therefore enlarged and the show has to go into an extra day, adding pain to the TV network that dare put on such puerile tripe.

This should be the law, because then they would actually put people on who could sing and we would start to celebrate art rather than these sad wailings.

There is only one person on that show who actually has the X-Factor and he is not a celebrity but a sportsman. Matt Stevens I applaud you.

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